Breakasaurus: March 2011

These past few weeks have been some sad and scary weeks. To start off, about two weeks ago my dad had a stroke. We just found out today from the MRI results. According the Dr my dad was really lucky that he was in overall good health because where the stroke occurred, it could have been a lot worse than what it was. Basically what happend was my dad was talking with my mom one minute, they stopped talking and the next he couldn't remember some things have had happened in the past year and couldn't remember anything that had happened in the last hour. My mom took him to the ER immediately and they had a cat-scan but that didn't show anything. That's why they had an MRI done too.

It's really scary because a stroke is what put my Grandpa in the hospital for the last time this time last year. On March 9, 2010 it was the time I would ever see my Grandpa normal. The last time I would talk to him, and the last time I would get to hear his voice. Later that evening I remember get woken up by my mom saying my grandpa went into cardiac arrest and coded a few times. We rushed up to the hospital, but there was nothing we could do. We waited. We had the Dr do a number of test, only to find out by this time on March 10, 2010 that my Grandpa was brain dead and would only be able to live on a machine. We all knew we couldn't let that happen. But we waited just a few more days, so the rest of his kids could see their dad alive one last time, even if he was hooked up to machines. It was until March 12, 2010 around 8pm the monitors were shut down, and we watched him for nearly 20 minutes taking a few last breaths on his own, his heart rate increasing and decreasing. All I could hope for was a miracle, I wasn't ready to let me Grandpa go, I wasn't ready to accept what had been the hardest death I've ever had to deal with. And still, just about 1 year later, I haven't come to terms. When I visit home, I just think he is on a mini vacation and then it always hits me that I will never get to see the only Grandparent I ever really knew, again.

I can't believe how fast this year had gone by. I just don't know where the time went.

It sort of feels nice to have these things written down some place. They make sad thinking about them, and the make me sad talking about them. But I guess for now it's just one of those things I can't let go...not yet anyway.